Understanding Others

My name is Ann Pack. I am a transgender woman and at the time of this writing a member of the LDS church. I say that because being transgender and Mormon is… difficult.

Some days I wonder if it’s even possible. I’ve been a member of the church all my life and I don’t know what my relationship with the church will be like down the road. I’d like to discuss what I’ve learned about understanding others. It’s easy to understand someone who is the same as you. It’s a lot harder to understand someone who is very different from you. I believe that some people don’t want to try to understand someone different because it is just that—hard.

Well it may be hard, but it will be worth it. And when I talk about understanding, I’m not talking about you changing your beliefs. I believe it is possible to understand someone without agreeing with them. Also, I’m not just talking about understanding only on the part of the non-LGBTQ+ person; understanding is a two-way street.

One of the key factors for understanding someone different from you is patience. It will not happen overnight. When I began attending church as my true self (after seven years of inactivity) my bishop asked if we could meet twice a month. Neither of us realized it at the time, but both of us entered those meetings with the agenda of changing the other person’s mind. I wanted him to believe that I am female and he wanted me to realize I’ve always been male. We did this for over a year. After some of those meetings I wanted to pull my hair out and remove my name from the church records. He may have felt the same way. About his hair I mean.

Our meetings ended about five months ago. That was when we both admitted to the other person about our “secret agenda.” Surprise! Neither of us had changed our minds. But I can say that I have gained an understanding of my bishop and why he believes the way he does. And even though he doesn’t agree with my choices, I know he understands what led me to make those choices and believe the way I do.

You may have a child, friend, or member of your ward who just came out as LGBTQ+. Or you may have a parent, friend, or family member who reacted badly after you came out to them.

Please try and work to understand them and why they see the world the way they do. It will take time and a lot of patience.

But it will be worth it.