I never thought I would be watching my LGBTQ+ child suffer from such severe depression and isolation that they would have suicidal thoughts. I'd heard stories of other families who had gone through this, but never thought it would happen to my family. I felt completely helpless and out of control.
My husband and I quickly sought professional help for Alex through therapy and medication. As the years went on, progress was slow and we tried several different therapists and different types of LGBTQ+ mental health support. I began to feel frustrated and asked myself, Is therapy really effective?
As a parent, it can be difficult to know if therapy is actually making a difference--especially when progress isn't immediate. Our background as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints caused us to wonder if therapy was really the best solution, or if we just needed to have more faith. But over time, and with patience and trust, therapy and medication helped Alex completely transform. They had greater confidence navigating challenges because they had gained the ability to use coping skills independently. Increased wisdom and experience led to greater autonomy, meaningful friendships, and hope for a successful future. Therapy didn't "fix" Alex; it helped them develop the tools, insights, support and hope that they can carry forward.
A supportive therapeutic relationship can be especially meaningful for LGBTQ+ young people who may experience isolation, misunderstanding, stigma, or difficulty finding people who truly understand them. It meant the world to me as a mom that Alex found an affirming therapist who not only understands LGBTQ+ identities and experiences, but also helped my child learn how to cope with their depression and neurodivergence. Alex felt that they had a place where they could speak honestly and their therapist would listen without judgment. Feeling understood didn't mean that the therapist solved Alex's problems; it created a foundation from which Alex could begin doing their own work.
One of the most powerful signs of progress I can see now is not that my child's challenges disappeared, it’s that Alex knows how to face them. Some therapy benefits they experienced were learning to recognize emotions and understand what is happening internally, developing coping skills for difficult moments, learning to challenge unhelpful thought patterns, building communication and relationship skills, and learning how to ask for support when it's needed. The shift from “there's no way to get through this” to “I have tools I can use to work through this.” was life-changing. Watching them learn emotional regulation along with those coping skills gave me so much hope!
As a mom I learned some valuable insights from therapy as well. Parents can't do the work of therapy for their child. We can provide love and support, but trying to control the outcome leads to frustration and strained relationships. Supporting an LGBTQ+ youth or young adult includes respecting their growing autonomy. Sometimes the most helpful thing I do as a parent is simply listening and validating Alex's feelings. I learned that the key to supporting them was being a safe and fully loving person for them.
Over the years, there were times when it seemed that therapy wasn't helping Alex. Therapy isn't one-size-fits-all, so rather than giving up, we took time to come together and discuss our options. Sometimes that meant taking a break for several months or trying a different therapist or a different therapy modality instead. Finding the right therapist can matter, and different therapeutic approaches may be appropriate for different people and concerns. Let your child know they should be able to talk with their therapist about whether therapy is meeting their goals, or whether that therapist is the right fit for them. Also, it's important both you and your child remember that progress can take time.
For years, I wondered whether therapy was working. Looking back, I realize I was looking for the wrong kind of evidence. I was waiting for the day Alex would never struggle again. What I see now is something different and, in many ways, more meaningful: a young adult who knows themselves, knows when they need support, has people they love and trust, and has learned how to face difficult days with tools they didn't have before. That, to me, is what therapy can make possible. That's why I believe therapy does work.